7 Reasons Couples Turn to Discernment Counseling
Helping Couples Decide Whether to Stay Together or Not
7 Reasons Couples Turn to Discernment Counseling
Should We Stay Together or Not?
In the intricate dance of relationships, there are moments when couples find themselves at a crossroads, unsure whether to continue their journey together or part ways. This is where discernment counseling steps in—a specialized form of therapy designed to help couples gain clarity on their relationship. If you’re wondering whether you should get divorced or seeking ways to save your marriage, this blog post will provide valuable insights into why couples turn to discernment counseling and how it can impact your decisions.
Introduction to Discernment Counseling
Discernment counseling is a unique therapeutic approach aimed at helping couples who are contemplating divorce. Unlike traditional marriage counseling, which focuses on repairing the relationship, discernment counseling seeks to assist couples in deciding whether to work on their marriage or move toward separation. This short-term intervention typically involves 1-5 sessions and is designed for couples in which one partner is leaning towards divorce while the other hopes to save the marriage.
This counseling method provides a structured environment where couples can openly discuss their feelings and concerns. By exploring their relationship dynamics and individual contributions to the current situation, couples can make informed decisions about their future. Whether you’re looking to save your marriage or determine if divorce is the right path, discernment counseling offers a path to clarity.
Understanding the Purpose of Discernment Counseling for Couples
The primary purpose of discernment counseling is to help couples gain a deeper understanding of their relationship and make a well-informed decision about their future. This process involves both individual and joint sessions, allowing each partner to express their thoughts and feelings without judgment. By examining the underlying issues that have led to the current state of the relationship, couples can identify patterns and behaviors that may need to change.
Discernment counseling is particularly beneficial for couples who are stuck in a cycle of indecision. It provides a safe space for honest communication, enabling partners to explore their options and consider the potential consequences of their choices. Ultimately, the goal is to help couples determine whether they should invest in repairing their relationship or transition to a respectful separation.
7 Common Reasons Couples Turn to Discernment Counseling
1. Ambivalence About the Relationship
Many couples seek discernment counseling when there is ambivalence about the future of their relationship. One partner may be leaning towards divorce, while the other wants to work on the marriage. Discernment counseling helps address this ambivalence by providing a structured framework for exploring both perspectives. Dr. Bill Doherty, a leading expert in discernment counseling, notes that “the goal is not to solve the marital problems but to figure out whether they could potentially be solved.”
2. Repeated Patterns of Conflict
Couples often turn to discernment counseling when they find themselves stuck in repeated patterns of conflict. These patterns can create a sense of hopelessness and frustration, making it difficult to envision a positive future together. Through discernment counseling, couples can identify the root causes of their conflicts and determine whether they are willing and able to make the necessary changes to break these cycles.
3. Emotional Disconnect
An emotional disconnect between partners is another common reason couples seek discernment counseling. This disconnect can manifest as feelings of loneliness, lack of intimacy, or emotional distance. Dr. Sue Johnson, a renowned relationship expert, emphasizes that “emotional disconnection can be devastating for a relationship.” Discernment counseling provides a platform for couples to explore these feelings and consider whether they can rebuild their emotional bond.
4. Infidelity and Trust Issues
Infidelity and trust issues are significant challenges that can lead couples to consider discernment counseling. The betrayal of trust can create deep wounds that are difficult to heal. By engaging in discernment counseling, couples can assess the impact of infidelity on their relationship and decide whether they are willing to work towards rebuilding trust or if separation is the best option.
5. Differing Life Goals
When partners have differing life goals, it can create tension and uncertainty about the future. For example, one partner may want to start a family while the other does not, or they may have conflicting career aspirations. Discernment counseling helps couples explore these differences and evaluate whether they can find a compromise or if their goals are fundamentally incompatible.
6. Lack of Communication
Effective communication is the foundation of a healthy relationship. When communication breaks down, misunderstandings and resentment can build up over time. Discernment counseling provides a space for partners to improve their communication skills and determine whether they can develop healthier ways of interacting with each other.
7. Desire for a Peaceful Resolution
Some couples turn to discernment counseling because they want to ensure a peaceful and respectful resolution, regardless of the outcome. Whether they decide to stay together or separate, they want to do so in a way that minimizes conflict and preserves mutual respect. Discernment counseling guides couples through this process, helping them make decisions with clarity and compassion.
Success Stories from Real Couples who Undertook Discernment Counseling
Countless couples have found clarity and direction through discernment counseling. One such couple, Sarah and Mario, were on the brink of divorce due to constant arguments and emotional distance. Through discernment counseling, they discovered that their conflicts stemmed from unresolved issues from their past. By addressing these issues, they were able to rebuild their emotional connection and save their marriage.
Another couple, Moira and Ahkil, entered discernment counseling with differing life goals. Moira wanted to focus on her career, while Ahkil was eager to start a family. Through open and honest discussions, they realized that their goals were not as incompatible as they initially thought. They found a compromise that allowed them to pursue their individual aspirations while supporting each other.
These success stories highlight the transformative power of discernment counseling. By providing a safe space for exploration and reflection, it helps couples gain the clarity they need to make informed decisions about their future.
Expert Insights: How Discernment Counseling Can Save a Marriage
Experts in the field of relationship counseling emphasize the importance of discernment counseling in helping couples make informed decisions. Dr. John Gottman, a leading researcher on marriage and relationships, states that “discernment counseling provides a structured process for couples to evaluate their relationship without the pressure to make immediate decisions.”
Dr. Bill Doherty adds that “by focusing on understanding and clarity, discernment counseling helps couples see their relationship in a new light.” This perspective can be crucial in shifting from a mindset of blame and frustration to one of empathy and mutual respect.
The insights gained through discernment counseling can serve as a foundation for further therapeutic work, whether the couple decides to stay together or separate. It provides a roadmap for addressing underlying issues and making meaningful changes.
Next Steps: What to Expect and How to Approach Discernment Counseling
If you’re considering discernment counseling, it’s essential to know what to expect. The process typically begins with an initial session where both partners share their perspectives and goals. The counselor will then guide you through individual and joint sessions to explore your relationship dynamics and assess your options.
During these sessions, you’ll engage in open and honest discussions about your feelings, concerns, and hopes for the future. The counselor will help you identify patterns and behaviors that have contributed to the current state of your relationship. By gaining a deeper understanding of these factors, you can make informed decisions about your next steps.
Approaching discernment counseling with an open mind and a willingness to explore your relationship can significantly enhance the process’s effectiveness. It’s important to remember that the goal is not to solve every issue but to gain clarity and make informed decisions.
Conclusion: The Impact of Discernment Counseling on Couples’ Decisions
Discernment counseling offers a unique and valuable opportunity for couples at a crossroads. Whether you’re questioning whether you should get divorced or seeking ways to save your marriage, this therapeutic approach provides the clarity and insight needed to make informed decisions. By addressing underlying issues, improving communication, and exploring your options, discernment counseling can help you and your partner find a path forward.
For couples facing uncertainty, discernment counseling can be a lifeline, offering a structured and supportive environment for exploration and reflection. If you’re ready to take the next step, consider reaching out to a certified discernment counselor to begin your journey toward clarity and resolution.